9.12.07 - Margie vs. Time

2007-09-13T13:30:02Z

I cannot tell a lie. I ran out of time today and did not run. Honestly. I was at Target at 8:45, it was raining, and my gym closed in 15 minutes.

I suspect one of my toughest challenges in this endeavor will be finding ample time to keep on track. As much as I dreaded running, I'm actually pretty disappointed that I didn't get to go b/c I wanted to compare with my co-runners. The virtual training is doing its job. I already feel guilty!! Hooray!

Tomorrow is another day.

Training Day

2007-09-12T11:15:28Z

My high school friend, runnerswhirled has agreed to join me in my pursuit of insanity. In classic Margie style, I've decided to take up hobby #376.

My Charlotte friend jrzygyrl believes in me so much that she has not only asked me to join her in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure 5K in October, but has also written up a training schedule. So sweet.

I started the aforementioned training program today. Too bad I sucked it. I'm not giving up by any means, but it was a definite wake up call that I am ridiculously out of shape and also - running does not equal walking. I can walk hard for miles. Running, not so much.

I've decided to chronicle my training here. If for nothing else but to document my stupidity and also keep me writing about something. Enjoy my demise.

Today, I went to the gym due to the heat. I was on the treadmill for 25 minutes, one quarter of that was running. And if I wasn't dizzy from not being used to keeping my balance on a treadmill while running, I was hard core sucking wind.

It's weird too, because I walk a pretty fast pace and even though I'm breathing hard, I never feel winded or dizzy. I'm learning that running is a whole new ball game.

Tomorrow I'm going to try to run in my neighborhood and see if it's any easier. I sure am going to miss that treadmill fan that's RIGHT in my face, though. I love a good breeze while dying.

At least I bought the shoes. Now I need Beth's fancy watch.

If you want to virtually train with me and runnerswhirled, let me know!

Friends?

2006-10-19T20:45:40Z

My LJ "Friends" page is not updating correctly. I know this b/c the last "Friends" entry I see is from October 16th - and when I go into the individual LJs for my friends there are posts from as recent as today, October 19th. Is this just me? I hate it.

John Campbell's Birth Story

2005-08-01T15:32:25Z

I can't even describe how I felt the night before going to the hospital. Words that come to mind - anxious, excited, stressed, ready...

I was to report to Labor and Delivery at 5:30am and wanted to get up in plenty of time to shower, shave my legs (which required Brian's assistance), and mentally prepare. Brian sets the alarm for 4:45 - our babysitter set to arrive at 5:00 - nice way to begin the day. I took a deep breath and realized that if we were 20 minutes late, they would more than likely still deliver the baby, so I fought the urge to freak out and took my time getting ready. We got there at 5:45 and all was well with the world.</p>

It was dark as we got in the car - humid and hot. I could tell it would be the hottest day of the year. We took the longer, but safer route to the hospital since the quicker way is through the ghetto. I didn't mind, I was listening to Patty Griffin. I wanted to hear Useless Desires - and I repeated it a few times. I don't know why I wanted to hear it, the lyrics aren't particularly meaningful to me - but the melody and rhythm calmed me and somehow prepared me for the long day ahead.

Perhaps the first words I spoke to Brian during our trip were spoken immediately upon entering the hospital. "God, I hate this smell." Immediately I was taken back to 4 years earlier when James was born. Anxiety hit me and I started crying as we hit the UP button for the 4th floor. I wasn't ready. I was terrified. I wanted to go home.

We got to L&D and I was surprised to see that the whole floor had been massively renovated. Personally, I didn't think the old rooms were so horrible, but these delivery rooms were ultra swanky with Italian murals, dimmer lights, bigger beds, and fancy technology. The nurse said it was all done in hopes of calming the mother to be. You wouldn't think a fake Italian mural and mood lighting would do the trick, but I was a fan. It actually did help - less hospital-y.

Fast forward a bit - hospital gown on, early morning local news on, the smell of Brian's coffee - waiting for the barage of medical procedures to begin. I had in my mind a list of "Crappy Things I Must Endure Before The End The Day". It went something like this:

Walk in hospital
Get IV
Have water broken
Feel contractions
Get epidural
Push

The IV was cruddy - especially since I was already nauseous - but the nurse was sweet and as far as IVs go - it was fine. Two things checked off the list. She hooked me up to a bazillion monitors - my heartrate/blood pressure, fetal heartate, contraction monitor. Within 5 minutes I had a pretty strong contraction. I wouldn't have even noticed if the nurse hadn't said anything about the graph on the high tech monitor. I'd been having these for weeks, so it didn't feel like anything new. The nurse was impressed and said that was a great sign. Now we wait for my doctor. Tick tock.

Around 7:00am, Dr. Risinger comes in and checks me out - 4cm and 90% effaced - translated - almost halfway there. Then, the breaking of the water. OMG - so much worse than I remembered. In retrospect, it was by far the worst part for me. I was super glad when the new nurse (Joan) told me it was the worst of all the exams. Check off #3 on the list. Thank God.

Between 7ish and 9ish, Brian and I just sat around and talked and watched the contractions on the monitor. I still didn't feel much, but was nerdy enough to watch as I had them. "Look! That one was a 12!!" Brian was amazing at calming me down and telling me how strong I was. It made me cry to hear all the reassurance, because I was still terrified of everything to come. The last two things on my list were the absolute worst to come (in my mind and at the time). I didn't think I'd make it. I want to make that clear. I completely, 100% did NOT think I was going to be able to do it.

Around 10ish, my friend/minister, Christie stopped by to see me. It was great to see her and it gave Brian a chance to go grab something to eat. We chatted a second about all my fears and worries and tried to laugh at my illogical thoughts. Luckily, she understands and knows exactly what to say - nothing condescending - no "It'll all be okay". I hate that shit when I'm anxious. Don't patronize me - validate me and help me look at things realistically. The "It'll all be okay" technique is crap. It's labor and delivery - realistically, it's going to suck. Help me prepare.

Oh, I forgot to add that Christie walked in at the same time another minister/intern from our church stopped by. I love my church because they come to the hospitals every day to visit with church members and offer prayers - no matter if they are having a mole removed or are breathing their last breath. I think that's awesome. Helen Harrison offered a prayer that made my bawl like a little girl because she called John Campbell by name during the prayer and it was the first time that I had heard someone other than Brian or myself say his name. It made him so real. And for the first time that day, I was ready to meet my little boy. Prayer is a powerful gift.

About 30 minutes after Christie arrived, I started having stronger contractions, much closer together. This was at 11:00ish. I decided that rather than suffer the pain and exhaust myself before the most strenuous part of delivery, I'd go ahead and call for the epidural. It takes them about 30 minutes to respond to the request, so I didn't want to put it off any longer. The contractions weren't so much painful as they were uncomfortable and close together. I had to breath through each of them, which was beginning to tire me out. "Where the hell is the epidural man?"

Sidenote: Brian is back by now.

Around 11:30ish, Dr. Yates (aka: The Epidural Man) came in. Get this - he's a member of our church. Oh hell yeah I know your daughter, Holly! Oh hell yeah our minister is sitting right here. No way you can fuck me up - you KNOW me and I have minister friends!! I felt instantly better. I'm sure he is wonderful for everyone, but somehow I felt better having a connection with him. This was the one of the scariest things for me on the list. After a list of questions, I assumed the position - hunched over - grabbing Joan with the death grip hold. Dr. Yates told me what he was doing as he went along until I finally said, "You don't have to give me the play by play. Just do it." A bee sting and a lot of pressure (but no pain) later - I was about 70% numb from the waist down and feeling lovely. I felt zero contractions and all the tension from my back (from the anxiety) was gone. I was finally relaxed and actually napped a little.

After my little nap, I checked the clock and it was about 12:00pm. Brian had been visiting with his dad and Kim and had just come back in the room. I remember saying that I thought my contractions had stopped and that maybe the nurse should check me out. I was worried that the epidural had gone awry and slowed/ceased my labor. The nurse came in and chuckled because, apparently I was having massive contractions - so close together, in fact that she decided to check my cervix herself. "Yep, you're about 8cm - I'd say we'll have a baby within the hour for sure."

WHAT?!!!?

My job was to feel for pressure in my bottom - almost like I had to go to the bathroom. Okay well, around 12:40ish I felt serious pressure. It didn't hurt so much as just PRESSURE. I wanted to push. They called my doctor, she flew in, a quick check - she could see the head. The bottom of the bed was lowered, the appropriate nurses were called in to assist, the moody lighting was brought up a bit, and I grabbed my legs - ready to check off the last thing.

It was the strangest feeling as I pushed. It actually felt relieving - no pain - just intense pressure. Lots of breathing through contractions and holding my breath as I pushed. My doctor rocks my world because she was ultra encouraging. "That's perfect!That's exactly what you should be doing. Margie, I see his head - he has so much hair!! You are doing great!" Pushing was hard, but not nearly as horrible as I remember with James. 15 minutes of pushing later, at exactly 12:56 pm, I hear my doctor say, "Margie! Open your eyes!"

Welcome to the world, John Campbell.

Apgar scores were 8 & 9 - which is near perfect and he was given to me immediately. They let me hold him for an entire hour before taking him to the nursery. With James, it was maybe 15 seconds before whisking him away.

My whole birth experience was a 180 degree turnaround from James' birth. The absolute worst part of the whole day was all the anxiety that was in my head - all the fear of the unknown mixed with memories of a traumatic experience with James. After it was all over, I turned to Brian and said, "I could actually do that again."

Since that day, we have much joy along with many frustrations. I will detail in the days to come, but I had to chronicle that day while it was still fresh in my head. I am so blessed and am reminded of God's grace each time I look at my beautiful children.

Love to all.

It's Margie, like Margaret

9.12.07 - Margie vs. Time

Training Day

Friends?

John Campbell's Birth Story